Gender Neutral Parenting: Why Shouldn't Our Sons Wear Dresses?

Gabriella and Joe Haughton-Malik allow their five-year-old twins, Caleb and Kai, to make their own decisions when it comes to dressing up and choosing their toys.

And as well as toy guns, cars and lego, the excitable twins also love princess dresses, dolls houses and playing hairdressers.

Mum, Gabriella, a cake designer, said: “We let them choose what they want to do.

“It’s something we’ve done from day one.

“I want them to feel that they can express themselves and I tell them they look beautiful whether they are wearing trousers or a dress.”

Caleb and Kai play around the house dressed as Anna and Elsa - the two stars of Disney’s animated hit, Frozen.

After watching the film the boys were taken by the characters and their dazzling dresses, and the couple, from Sheffield, saw no reason to deprive their sons because of their gender.

Gabriella said: “We were in the shop getting some schools uniforms, and they saw these dresses.

“They were just going nuts over these dresses so I caved and bought them for them.

“They just love them, they spend a lot of time in them.”

As well as playing dress up, Kai and Caleb also enjoy playing with each other’s hair and having their nails done.

And rather than rebuke such ‘feminine’ behaviour, Gabriella, 33, and Joe, 34, encourage their sons to be creative and express all sides of their personality without restriction.

Gabriella said: “They like being able to explore their feminine, diva side - completely immersing themselves in being somebody else. It shows that they have huge imaginations.”

And the couple think that playing with dolls will make their sons better fathers in the future.

Gabriella said: “I think playing with dolls shows that they are caring people and hopefully if they go on and have children they will be caring parents.

“They are very loving little boys and I think that shows through the way they care for their dolls and teddy bears.”

But the boys don’t enjoy ‘girl’s’ toys exclusively and they also enjoy running riot with toy guns and swords.

And their dress up isn’t limited to princesses either.

Joe, a teaching assistant, said: “If they can dress up as pirates and Darth Vader and zombies, why can’t they dress as princesses?

“I think I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I let them dress up as somebody who marauds over the Seven Seas, murdering and stealing things but I can’t let them dress up as princess.”

Although Gabriella and Joe both had traditional upbringings, they don’t see anything controversial about their parenting style.

But although she’s confident with her approach, Gabriella says the family has raised eyebrows with their freeform way of parenting.

She said: “Sometimes I do worry they may get teased about certain things. They’ve gotten embarrassed about wearing dresses outside of the house before.

“Children do make comments like, ‘oh, that’s a girl’s toy’, or ‘oh, you’re dressed like a girl’.

“If somebody came to me and suggested that my parenting skills were going to make my sons gay - I would point out that sexuality is to do with genetics, and not to do with environment.”

The boys are not immune to the criticism, and are sometimes nervous expressing themselves around other people as they do at home.

On a trip to Ikea, the boys were too embarrassed to keep their dresses on after facing stares from other shoppers.

Gabriella said: “I think it’s more to do with other people and other children, than it is about how they feel about it themselves.

“I think that in their own space they are completely comfortable with it. It doesn’t faze them.”

Ultimately Gabriella and Joe have been supported in their choice to allow their children to be so expressive. 

And the couple say they’re confident they will raise their children to become caring and understanding individuals.

Joe said: “I think they are very lucky to have lots of opportunities where they can do what exactly what they want to do and have no limits on their imagination.

“I don’t care what they do or who they are, as long as they are happy.”